Waiting
Everyday: I wait for the train to get to CCK. I wait for the company transport to get to Tuas. I wait for meetings to start. I wait for the never-ending meetings to end. I wait for lunch to come. I wait for my phone to ring. I wait for messages to flood my phone. (But they never do) I wait for teabreaks to come. I wait for 5pm so that I can knock off. I wait for the transport to get to CCK. I wait for the public bus to get back to my neighbourhood. I wait for dinner time. I wait for the next TV program to start. I wait for bedtime to come. I wait for morning to fall. I wait for Fridays to come after repeating the entire weekly cycle. I wait for the train to get me to my destination. I wait for friends to get off work. I wait to be served for dinner. I wait for my bus to come. I wait for weekends to come. I wait for the months to end and a new month to come. I wait for birthdays and public holidays to come. I wait for travel holidays to come. I wait for the year to end.
Everything comes and goes. I remain. I wait patiently most of the time. Sometimes I sit and wait. Sometimes, I just stand and wait. I just simply wait. Sometimes without any idea what to anticipate. Without any inkling what I am waiting for. I just wait. I have waiting almost the whole of my life. I still wait. I will continue to wait. Maybe I won't. Maybe I will stop waiting. Maybe i will let the rest of the world to wait for me. They can all wait for all I care. I am tired. Tired of waiting. I need a break. A break from all these waiting.
I will still be waiting. Waiting mindlessly. Meaninglessly. Wait as life seeps away slowly. Wait till my shell shrivels up. Wait for my hair to turn grey. Wait till time is ripe for me to say goodbye. I will wait. And I know I will.
Right here Waiting.
Everything comes and goes. I remain. I wait patiently most of the time. Sometimes I sit and wait. Sometimes, I just stand and wait. I just simply wait. Sometimes without any idea what to anticipate. Without any inkling what I am waiting for. I just wait. I have waiting almost the whole of my life. I still wait. I will continue to wait. Maybe I won't. Maybe I will stop waiting. Maybe i will let the rest of the world to wait for me. They can all wait for all I care. I am tired. Tired of waiting. I need a break. A break from all these waiting.
I will still be waiting. Waiting mindlessly. Meaninglessly. Wait as life seeps away slowly. Wait till my shell shrivels up. Wait for my hair to turn grey. Wait till time is ripe for me to say goodbye. I will wait. And I know I will.
Right here Waiting.
2 Comments:
At Fri Dec 28, 10:20:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
you are truly a manic depressive and innately pessimistic like in your msn nick. you see life in almost no other colors other than grey or black. And because u do, your simple words in the entry struck a chord in everyone i believe, because what you described is life happening (or not) for real. We spend a lifetime waiting. The only certain thing you are waiting for is death. That is the only thing you know will definitely happen... while the rest of the things you are waiting for in your entire lifetime may or may not happen. Cold, hard, sad truth isnt it?
But sometimes, hearing your pessimism makes me want to shake you violently till you are awake to the colorful side of life. You know me to be blunt, and I know I am blunt... so I will say: your constant pessimism is sometimes turn-offish. I get that we are down in our lives once in a while. I get that life can be a bore, meaningless even. I get that we all get depressed. But you... you... seem to color yourself black everywhere you go, everything you say. Are you seriously that pessimistic? Is there nothing you can look forward to, be happy about? Have you not had experiences of at least some colorful moments in your life that you can hold on to?
Perhaps you may want to reflect on the above whenever you feel down... and hopefully, you would have find life worth living more positively. Just a note: I myself share the same sentiments as you in whatever you wrote. I love your entry, and I identify with it. Everybody is a victim of that waiting cycle. You are not alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. So however miserable you sometimes feel, remember there is someone out there just as miserable, if not more.
You give meaning to life, or let it pass you by. No matter what, you are the one who is going to live it -- hence decide if you make it colorful and worthwhile, or continue to see everything in black and grey. I am not trying to ask you to see life in rose-tinted glasses, but to be more positive!
I hope one day, you will be happier and not feel as though you are a "victim trapped in this life". I wish you happiness.
At Mon Dec 31, 02:33:00 PM,
jm said…
Hey dear
I'm not exactly a manic depressive and innately pessimistic. Im just mimicking my favourite author, Haruki Murakami. Nevertheless, thanks for all the concern!
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